![]() I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.ġ05. ![]() Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!ġ06. When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer.ġ07. Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many” and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.ġ08. I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."ġ09. One, to kick start my brain, but number two, and more importantly, to jump start my colon.ġ10. I have my morning coffee for two reasons. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.ġ11. It's nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here. The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material.ġ12. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you'd be arrested.ġ13. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.ġ14. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.ġ15. Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. I went to rehab in wine country, just to keep my options open.ġ16. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'ġ17. Fuck you Americans! Uncultured, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu- the Germans are here! Hello Americans! We love you!ġ18. Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.ġ19. It's kind of like having Lindsay Lohan as a guidance counselor.ġ20. Bush doing now? He's a motivational speaker. If you can remember the '60s, you weren't there.ġ21. "Daddy wants to play! Here's a little switch - I'm gonna throw up on you!"ġ22. Being a father, you can't drink any more. "When I die, I want to be a screensaver."ġ23. Peter's Basilica, and fifty thousand cell phones are like And I'm sure that was his last wish. The moment the Pope dies, they take him through St. from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.ġ24. Cause you can't fucking understand them before.ġ25. ![]() And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman. Thank you for the standing ovations! We had the orgasm up front. Yeah! "Where's Clinton?" We impeached him. I remember was the economy was working and there was a budget surplus. Do you think God gets stoned? I think so. I thought for the last ten years, we've been on some weird fucking drug - the whole country - called "Fukitol."ġ29. All the drugs we take: Prozac, Effexor, Valium. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial - it just doesn't work!ġ30. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest- fuck off, I sink you.ġ31. And the French! The French have a bomb too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb- ah! Only destroys restaurants under four stars! They are the one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara, in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. It's not dead it's alive and living in the White House.ġ32. Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?ġ33. ![]() Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?ġ34. The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.ġ35. Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"ġ36. Cricket is basically baseball on valium.ġ37. but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.ġ38. If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.ġ40. The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'ġ42. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!ġ43. We were talking briefly about cocaine.yeah. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?ġ46. You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.ġ47. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.ġ48. I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.ġ49.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |